I am appalled when I see people all around
the world lacking normal etiquettes in dealing with each other at work places,
in businesses, personal or social relationships. Etiquettes in life teach
people to live in a civilized manner. It is a code of conduct which delineates
norms and expectations for social and personal behaviors. It is the foundation
of mannerism. It casts an aura of sophistication and represents classiness in
people. It is also a standard which demarcates between the educated and unruly
people in the world. Etiquette elevates our being as civilized race on the
planet. Unfortunately, upon gaining independence from the colonial
rules, especially in the third world, people assumed the meaning of independence
as freedom from all controls including normal etiquettes which have been the
hallmark of the civilization. People may be on a high position or have earned
several degrees from prestigious educational institutions or may be successful
socially or economically, but in the absence of normal etiquettes, they remain
uncivilized. Etiquettes distinguish an
aristocrat from a boorish.
Etiquettes are responsible for making code of conducts for our normal lives. In turn it establishes rules for orderly
behavior in society. Etiquettes are equally necessary in our personal lives and
in our family relationships. It teaches us how to be tolerant and behave with
sobriety even in a fit of mood swings. It helps us in balancing our responses
to people. Normal etiquettes also help in developing relationships with our kith's and kin’s, friends and foes, clients and representatives, sellers and buyers, employers and employees etc. It creates an
atmosphere of elegance and exclusiveness and soothes people’s unfounded
trepidation.
Therefore I am forced to analyze why less
and less people have normal etiquettes in their personal and social lives? What
is making mannerism less important than coarseness? Is our civilization on
decline? Is our social and education system focused more on survival than
making us cultured? Are we going backward culturally and becoming unsophisticated?
Why are people becoming more primitive in their thinking and behavior instead
of becoming urbane? Is it because of education, culture, governance or religion?
Generally etiquettes are a part of the
diplomatic protocols where dignitaries or diplomats of two sovereign nations
try to convey the message of respect, honor and friendliness to each other by
behaving in civilized manners. This creates an ambiance of comfort and triggers
the scope for dialogues and negotiations. The influence of etiquette and
diplomatic protocols is so strong that they keep the room open for discussions between the two worst enemy nations. The end of cold war between the US and the
USSR is the best example of this diplomatic code of behaviors. The example of diplomatic
protocols also points out that this exclusive and extraordinary behavioral
skills have been remained confined to a select group of people. Whereas the public
at large has not been taught or exposed to basic etiquettes by our modern
education system and gradually apoplectic behavior has become the norm of our
lives. Some good schools teach mannerism at the initial phases of our lives but they seem to have long forgotten in the hustle bustles of our lives.
Etiquettes have been also defined as "unwritten norms of behaviour that make interaction pleasant”. Here I disagree
with the definition as these norms are part of a 'civilized society' is missing in the definition. According to to me, it should have been defined as "unwritten norms of behaviour that make interaction pleasant in a civilized society". Since these norms are parts of a civilized society, should
have been codified and taught in schools and colleges as mandatory subjects in
order to live in a cultured world. If this would have been made possible, then I am sure, the world would have been a beautiful place to live and we all would have accepted
each other as parts of the civilized world apart from caste, creed, religion and
race.
Therefore, I feel that the modern education
system in the world is largely responsible for the moral degradation and loss
of socially acceptable etiquettes. They are more focused in teaching survival techniques to students and subjects which can help them in making money or becoming socially successful, instead of teaching
them decency, decorum, politesse, seemliness, protocol and suavity. The entire education
system in the world has become money-centric instead of value-centric and in turn our value system has been eroded substantially.
For those who are not aware of etiquettes
at all, I will like to describe the types of etiquettes with examples in our
civilized lives:
- Family Etiquettes: Every social norms and practices, starts from the family. If a family believes in decency, morality and ethics then our offspring’s also become like them, and in contrary if we are discourteous, harsh, loudmouth, boastful and deceitful then they become like so. I have seen several families where people are boastful with their education, success, position and background but lack minimum humility, courtesies and etiquettes. As a result there is a discontentment and rift within the family, between parents and children, husbands and wives, brothers and sisters etc. The family etiquettes demand that we must respect each other, show compassion and be courteous in our approach. Where a family member is younger or older, capable or incapacitated, successful or a failure, fair or dark, tall or dwarf, intelligent or foolish, we must show respect to them as humans instead of giving them humiliation and disrespect. Family etiquettes teach us how to behave with our parents or children, husbands and wives, brothers and sisters, grandparents and grandchildren etc. Etiquettes keep a tap on our anger, ego, frustration and day to day conduct with each other. In turn, the family environment becomes happy, courteous with abundance of positivity.
- Social Etiquettes: Generally what we are at home, we project the same personality to the outside world. But social etiquettes demand a certain code of conducts with people other than our family members. Every culture has some family and social traditions in showing respect to each other. Such as in Japan, people show respect by bowing down halfway from the waist. In the Western world people show respect by shaking hands. In India people show respect by folding both hands in front of their chest and then saying Namaskar or Vanakkam. In Islamic countries people show respect by bowing and taking their right hand to forehand and also by addressing them in certain manners. These social courtesies make people comfortable and break the barriers of communications. In another example, it will be a great disrespect and discourteous on our part, if we do not wave hands or throw smiling gesture to whom we have been known in past. Even if we do not like or stopped liking the person, the social courtesy demands an exchange of gesture in a social interaction.
- Professional Etiquettes: The professional
etiquettes demand a show of respect and civility towards our colleague, employees, clients or customers. These courtesies are the hallmark of a successful profession at the work place. It provides comforts and compassion towards
fellow humans. It also triggers the ability to
reach to the heart of the other person and creates a comfortable
environment. It can be done not only by shaking or folding hands or saying
good words but also by our body language and posture. The display of
proper etiquettes can have an enormous effect on the outcome of the
meetings.
- Religious Etiquettes: Religion and religious
practices are very personal and its impact on a person’s life depends upon
their education, maturity level, spiritual understanding, social and
family background and personal belief. Hence no one can claim to be more
or less religious and under the influence of ignorance or metal illiteracy,
offend other person’s religion or faith.
Hence etiquette demands minimum courtesy in respecting each other’s
beliefs.
- Diplomatic Etiquettes: Diplomatic Etiquettes or Protocols are rules
which describe how an action or behaviour between the two governments or
their representatives should be performed. Protocols describe proper and
generally accepted behavior related to the state and its diplomacy with
other countries. It describes the receiving of international guests by
their equivalent counterparts, how to greet them at the airport, ceremonies
at the airport, how to escort them to the guest house, the dress codes, how
to seat them on a dinner table, how to serve them, how to address them, who
receives them for meetings, how to conduct meetings, who will escort them
after the meeting etc. A slight mistake in diplomatic protocols or
etiquettes may overturn the outcome or sour the relationships between the
two countries.
Hence proper etiquettes are not only signs of civilization but also make
an enormous impact on the social and psychological outcome. Performing proper
etiquettes in one’s daily life may also bring peace, harmony and happiness with
positive outcome. It may change foes into friends. Even if etiquettes are pretentious, they are far better than hurtful behaviors. The power of etiquettes may also change the perspective towards fellow human being. If this code of conduct is
introduced into our education system and enforced to every students all over the world, then I am sure, after a generation or two, a time will come when planet earth will be the most peaceful and beautiful
place in the universe to live.
Now being a professional, I will like to raise a question to our
professional friends - how etiquettes helped them in becoming a successful
professional? Did it really make a difference in the outcome of their
professional interactions?
Your comments and suggestion will certainly enlighten the minds of
readers. Hence feel free to present your viewpoints please.
Suman Saran Sinha, CMC
Certified Management Consultant and
a pursuer of logical quest
