Incidentally, today I came across with a WhatsApp message being circulated on the topic called 5 regrets generally people have at the time of dying. The quoted book - ‘The Top Five Regrets of the Dying” written by Bronnie Ware, a nurse by profession in Australia who worked in palliative care for several years and learnt the most common regrets people generally have at the time of dying. Her work should be a great inspiration for the people who are still healthy and presumably miles away from the ultimate departure from this world. Her observation and narration from the dying people, should guide all of us and especially young generation to learn lessons and should not do anything for which they have to repent at the last moment.
However, I feel that people in general do not understand the meaning of this life, or they are incapable of understanding the essence of life despite going through the worldly education and teachings. I do not blame people for their ignorance as there are many factors affecting their thought process. Since every person’s environment in which they grow, education they have, family they belong to and the belief system they inherit are different, they are unable to process their true nature and desire, especially when they are young.
As a result, majority of them live in a state of denial or a state of illusion, that whatever they do or say is the right way and, in the process, they keep losing grounds on valuable aspects of life as the time pass.
1. The first regret of having ‘courage to live is true to myself, not the life other expected of me’, is hard to understand for any young person whose mind is full of challenges and drive to achieve something in life. In the process the truthfulness of one's own feelings and true desire may take the backseat. It is also very difficult to understand one’s own true desire as the true desire also keep changing depending upon the phases of life as people evolve through the process of life. The courage to live true to oneself is entirely different when we all are growing, and it is absolutely opposite as we grow old. Therefore, this will remain an issue for the majority.
2. The second regret of people - ‘I wish I hadn’t worked so hard’ is again a contradiction. Working hard at the young age is the demand of time. Without working hard when you are physically capable, taking pain to fulfill your dream or helping your family to fulfill their dreams, should not be a regret. It requires a balance between working hard and hardly working. Everybody is not fortunate enough to inherit an estate or a large property to avoid working. We all must work hard to earn our living. In contrary to the regrets of people for not working hard, I feel it is a blessing in disguise to keep working hard until late in life, to keep ourselves mentally and physically fit.
3. Third regret of people is - ‘I wish I had the courage to express my feelings’. I do agree that one should have the courage to express his or her own feelings if the feeling falls within the ethical, moral, and ideological parameters of Sanatan Dharma (Eternal Righteousness). If feelings are supported with the eternal truth, then one must have the strength to catch the bull by its horn. I mean to say that in that case nobody should worry about expressing themselves irrespective of family, society, or the world.
4. The fourth regret is - ‘I wish I had stayed in touch with friends.’ Yes, true friends are the most valuable assets in life, and it is a blessing to have one. However, the quality and importance of friends also change with the time. Friends which were my life support in my school days changed when I went to college. As I progressed in my life, again some friends stayed and some left. Some friends we make at workplaces or in the society where we live. But if they are not at the level of our intellect and understanding, then we start falling off. Therefore, I agree with Bronnie that one should stay in touch with true friends who remain close to our heart and not for the name’s sake.
5. Her quote of fifth regret of people - ‘I wish that I had let myself be happier’, is again a debatable subject. Happiness is a misnomer as it keeps changing with time. Child is happy with the toys. The happiness changes as they grow to adulthood and the love life becomes the happiest thing. In the middle age the materialistic possession gives them immense happiness. But as one grows older, the importance of all our past happiness, becomes a farce, and we feel stupid being happy on frivolous things. At this age we start understanding the meanings of life, and the divinity within ourselves starts sprouting. At this time, we start analyzing our deeds and karmas and if our karmas were good then no regrets and we feel immense happiness within ourselves, otherwise this topic of regret will certainly pop up.
Our Santan Dharma has propounded the theory of Contentment. There is no limit of happiness in life. No materialistic happiness is ever permanent. Happiness also changes with the mood and goes up and down like a Yoyo. If a person does not have the nature of being happy then no number of things can ever provide happiness to them. Therefore, happiness lies within us and we can remain happy even at the worst situation or circumstances. But this understanding of happiness comes with the understanding of life itself.
To sum up, I feel that a person should have the balance approach throughout his or her life. But even this philosophy of mine is not possible to apply due to the different phases of our lives, their demands, issues, tasks, pain, and pleasures, we go through. We must decide the best for ourselves and for the people around us to maintain an equilibrium.
But maintaining this equilibrium is even not possible. As every person on earth is different. Some are introvert and some extrovert. Some are passive and some aggressive. Some are naturally intelligent and some duffer. Some are kind and giving and some are selfish. Some value materialistic things and some may value ideology, morality, and ethics more than the materialistic possessions. Therefore, their degree of balancing their approach in life will vary accordingly.
Still, I do not see any bad in anybody, as they are the product of nature and nature is asymmetrical. No two products of nature are the same then how we humans can remain same in our thought process. This is the reason that everybody is different, and the best thing is to understand this difference created by nature in every person and be happy in every situation.
Therefore, one will not have any regret in life if they would be happy in every situation - good or bad, easy, or difficult while understanding the divine purpose of our existence on this earth.
Your comments are most welcome.
Suman S Sinha
A pursuer of logical quest
Baltimore, MD, USA
Sunday October 3rd, 2021
