Sep 7, 2010


The issue of human relationship has been the most difficult to handle in our day to day life. Somewhere there is a problem between two brothers or parents with their offspring or a husband with his wife, or a friend with another friend or a colleague with another colleague or an employer with employees or a boss with his subordinates or vice versa. It is a great predicament to understand how to handle this delicate human issue and in order to balance it out; one party has to compromise with another at the cost of their ego, self respect, dignity, or at the cost of pecuniary loss. And if these compromises are not made, then there will be friction and rifts in the human relationship at the cost of losing bondage of kinship, marital relationships, or friendships, or universal brotherhood, or even losing a job.

I think our social structure and education system has contributed a lot in mishandling this human dilemma. We all go to schools and colleges to gain knowledge but unfortunately, most of the education system is focused towards teaching books which are going to make us successful in a particular vocation for survival. Medical science can only provide the physiology, anatomy or functionality of a human mind and the science of psychology can explain the state and reactions of such minds in particular circumstances. Every branch of psychology handles a particular issue; how the thought process is evolved and its relationships with the outside world. However the spiritual psychology or the metaphysics may contain the answer to our mental woes, if analyzed or deciphered spiritually and consciously.

The philosophy of metaphysics describes the fundamental nature of being and its relationship with the world. From the time of Aristotle to the present age, several research projects have been conducted in this direction, but it is still difficult to understand this philosophy from a common man’s point of view. And unless we understand this theory of relationships with our body, soul, mind and matter, it will be difficult to explain why human behaviour is so varied and what causes it to be so amazing. Like some, my knowledge of this philosophy is also limited, hence I would like to discuss here how I have perceived human relationships due to my spiritual understanding and what causes people to be so different from each other. If we are able to understand this secret, then we will have no grudges or grievances with each other, which will ultimately build a strong society and human relationships free of all ills.

In order to understand this, we will have to analyze the character of a person, how it is made or what circumstances contributed in its creation. As I perceive, the cause of formation of characters depends upon three factors - the spiritual or metaphysical factors, biological factors and environmental factors. Unless we analyze these three factors, it will not be possible to explain the making of a character and unless we understand this, we will not be able to understand how to live happily with each other in this world. It is hard for me to summarize this intuitive and complicated philosophy in one or two pages. I hope I am able to make points of this topic clear to my readers. I can further expand this topic by responding to your comments.

As per my transcendental understanding of this philosophy, every human being or every soul has its own characteristics. Those characteristics are formed depending upon the evolution of a soul. A soul is evolved through the process of re-birth and as such, in every birth the soul is influenced by the actions or karmas. If the soul has gone through pleasure or suffering, the good karmas or bad karmas then accordingly the sub atomic part of the soul which is in the form of energy, gest coded accordingly and carry those characteristics to the next life. This is the reason that in spite of one's best effort, one is carried away by the influence of its basic nature with what a soul is marked.

The biological factors contribute in the creation of the outer forms of the body where the soul resides. In this case, the law of genetics work in the making of the personality, therefore the saying goes - 'Like father like son'. This likeness may not only be in personality, but in behaviour as well.

The third major factor is environmental, in which a person is born and grows to adulthood. This factor may include the family code of conduct, social rules and regulations, educational opportunity, financial affluences or shortcomings, moral and ethical environment, religious influences etc. and in order to make this article short, I will not like to deliberate much on this factor.

Now the environmental factors may be managed to upgrade one’s personality and thought process, but what about the biological and spiritual factors? This is the reason that in spite of our best education and environment, our original nature--which comprises biological and spiritual factors--, dominates in our day to day life and makes two people think and respond differently in spite of the same parenting, education, and environment.

Therefore as a layman, I would like to illustrate that every person in the world is marked to behave in a certain way which is very natural for that person but may be different, surprising or shocking for others. And if that person as per his or her true nature, accordingly acts or behaves with others, then it does not surprise me, as that person's mind or thinking process and resulting actions are guided by spiritual, biological, and environmental factors. If a person is bad in nature, then he or she is supposed to behave exactly as his or her nature and it would be very surprising to me if instead of behaving badly, that person would start behaving nicely or vice versa.

I often use this analogy to describe the characteristics of a person to my family that "a tomato will always taste like tomato and not like a potato, but the problem comes when we expect the tomato to taste like a potato. If peppers are hot and bitter then that is their characteristics and nothing is wrong with that. The problem comes when we taste those peppers and burn our tongue."

Similarly, if we do not have enough intelligence to understand the characteristics of a person and thus get deceived, insulted, humiliated, or hurt, then the problem lies with us and not with that person. If we can understand that person or if we can get along with that person knowing his or her true nature, then I do not think there would be any problem. However, if our nature or background or ego or lack of spiritual awareness is hurdles in getting along with that person, then it's our personality problem and in that case we should get away from that person as soon as possible in order to obtain peace of mind.

Therefore, to sum up, instead of breeding anger, hatred, jealousy or other complexes with each other in the family, in society, or in our day to day life, if we could uplift ourselves spiritually, understand these natural qualities of a person and then adjust accordingly, then I am sure it will bring harmony and peace not only in our different relationships, but in the society and the world at large.

Your comments on the issue is solicited.

Suman S.Sinha


Anonymous said...

While researching on the internet, I found your blog interesting and thought provoking. However, I find this article too idealistic and difficult to practice. Can you please explain the following?

1)How to live in harmony with your own family member’s viz. Husband and wife; between the brothers and sisters etc. due to their selfish or arrogant behaviour.

2)How to adjust with the friends or colleagues when they are too selfish in their dealings?

3)How to live happily with the criminal elements in the society?

S. Kumar
New Delhi.


Thanks Mr. Kumar for your interest in reading my blog.

In order to answer your questions, we will have to understand the Philosophy of human relationships first, which is not so easy to explain in couple of words.

As I have mentioned in my article that our education system does not teach us to understand this complicated issue and this is the reason of wide spread discontentment in our society. If one is an Atheist then, in order to understand this philosophy, that person will have to practice very high moral and ethical standards with extreme intelligence to understand the human behavioural psychology and then apply it accordingly for balanced relationships with the kinsmen or in the society.

If a person is a Theist and believes in God and the religious teachings, then the answer is already there in our scriptures. But for a common man who is not exposed to high philosophical comprehensions I will like to describe the philosophy in a common man’s language.

We have seen several movies or plays where an actor plays different roles at the same time. Sometimes, the actor plays the role of a good guy and simultaneously the actor also plays the role of a bad guy or a young guy or an old guy. However, the actor does not get affected by the acts or roles being played by him. As an observer, if that actor watches him then neither he is going to be upset or angry or frustrated or depressed by seeing his own role as a good, bad or crooked person. The actor is playing the roles consciously, by knowing and understanding the characteristics of each role and or as per the direction of the director of the play or movie.

Similarly, if we can understand this philosophy that we all are manifestations of the same God and the God who is also the Director, is playing in different roles of a good person, bad person, a saint, or a criminal, father or mother, son or daughter, brother or sister, employer or employee, teacher or student, owner or worker, colleagues or friends, etc. through various souls then we will have no grudges or grievances against our own duplications or our own manifestations, so to say.

To narrate further, if by mistake we cut our own finger or break our own things or do something wrong for which we are ourselves responsible then, we do not complain to anybody. Neither do we feel angry or aggrieved with ourselves and nor do we develop any grudges against ourselves, as we are responsible for our own plight. The problem comes when we do not understand this simple philosophy of mutativeness of divinity and although they look different, the sum total of them is the same. We get confused because our mind gets covered with Maya (illusion) and we feel different from the source of our origin and the millions of other souls. And we will remain in illusion until our mind is covered with the dust of ignorance, ego and false pride.

As far as the individual soul and its characteristic is concerned, the soul which originated from the source (God) and then travelled in this world in different forms in different lives has a mind of its own, which is influenced by the acts of Karma and those acts of karma depend upon the spiritual or biological or environmental factors. In the process, the soul forgets its true nature (which is its allegiance towards the source) and under the influence of Maya and effects of karma, makes the Source (God) responsible for its downfall and himself for successes. In the process, it develops all kinds of wrong notions which ultimately reflect in his or her biological personality.



Therefore in order to make my reply not too lengthy, the answer of your questions is that if we can slightly uplift ourselves spiritually, then we will automatically understand this truth. Once we understand this truth then instead of getting upset or angry with the behaviour of others, we should be sympathetic towards the sickness of the soul. And if our nature is tolerant enough, then we should try to adjust with them and if our nature does not allow that flexibility, then we should stay away from them in order not to get hurt. In certain cases, it may not be possible for one to get out of a relationship. In that case, one will have to use his or her intelligence to make the best use of the situation and wait for the right time as nothing is stable and permanent.

Furthermore, the state laws or social rules and regulations are meant to deal with the criminal elements. However, if we are enlightened like Gautam Buddha and we are willing to get killed in the hands of a robber and a killer called Angulimal (the story from the life of Gautama Buddha), or use our conviction and spiritual power to change them then certainly we will be able to rehabilitate the criminal elements in our society and the possibility exists.

Judith said...

Learnt alot going through some problems with my brother this has opened my eyes thank you very much

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